Someday, Maybe!

I try sometimes to put to much pressure on myself to be someone different. To fit in a little more. I was never popular in school, but my sister and brother were. It kind of felt like i was the one maintaining most of my friendships in high school and even out of school. I got married and I became a mom and things changed i began meeting new people I started seeing what true friendship was. I didn't worry so much about being someone else I was growing into me. I became a single mom and I took a step backwards. I still strong friendships, but I find myself asking (more than I would like to admit) do I really fit in here? I still find myself struggling to find my place in this world. Before though I would have been depressed and kind of closed myself off. Today I find myself opening up and fighting for my place. My boys are where I put most of my focus but I am realizing that they need to see that mommy is having fun too. I am focusing on opening up to other people and letting myself just be me and if people don't like me, well I guess that is there loss not mine. You would think that after high school all those self esteem issues would go away. They have gotten better that is fir sure, but they still linger every now and then. Sometimes I wish that things did not happen the way they did that i was still married then I look at who I am now and I am so thankful that I am divorced because I am happy. I am finally happy with me. Yes there are times when I struggle, but really who doesn't. God has shown me things about myself that I didn't think I had and continually surprises me with the strength and courage He has given me. I am working on someday, maybe, realizing truily that it is okay to be me.