I have taken the Challenge What About You?

We arrive at the park. You may be wondering where Logan is at. Scroll down you will see. He was not as far away as he looks when this picture was taken!
Here he is! Those little legs never stop running. Are you surprised though! I am not!!

This is the swing that is in the tot section. Logan looks so tiny here!
We had a lot of fun but left for a time because there were some older kids there with potty mouths and I have to little repeaters but we got drinks and came back. (Please don't ask Parker what you say when you break something.) I conquered my fear and the boys had fun. The pictures are worth it and God was there because I really wanted to leave a few times when I was feeling a little nervous about the boys taking off but we set ground rules and they did pretty good. I am going to continue working on my fears and I hope you will to.!!

This is Just the Beginning!

There a few photos missing from this layout but I wanted to share it anyways. I can not believe how many times we miss all of life's little moments because we are so focused on everything else. I look at my boys and I can't believe how fast they are growing. It seems like it was just yesterday we were all worrying about Logan and how sick he had become. (So it was yesterday that I was worried about him, I swear that kid is going to give me a heart attack, but I was more worried that he would some how find a way to fall attempting to be one of the big boys.) I do find myself becoming one of those paranoid parents, but really in this day and age who can blame me. As I was leaving work the other day there was a sign posted that there was an attempted kidnapping in Willamina a town much smaller than my own but not very far from me. I do not want to let those moments keep me from experiencing the rest of the world. Today the boys and I will be going to the park and although it may seem like a simple task to most I am really forcing myself to confront my fears. I fear going to the park by myself and losing the boys or some scary stranger trying to take my boys. I have read to many true crime books and to much Law & Order I know but it is my fear and today will be the first time I will be taking the boys to a park by myself. I know that God will be looking out for us. It is a silly fear but those of you who know me know I have many fears but I am working on confronting all them and conquering them one step at a time. I have a challenge for all of you this week. Think of a fear that might be holding you back and conquer it! Post a comment here and a email me a picture to be posted here. Parker will then draw a name out of a hat and the winner will receive a cool prize from me. Those who scrapbook will get something scrappy and those who don't will get a great book that has really been a big eye opening thing for me. "The Shack", have you read it you should if you haven't. Okay so challenge yourself this week and let me know about it! Remember this is just the beginning of our lives so lets live it like God intended it to be. The winner will be announced next Sunday so go out and face those fears and let God help you fight through that fear!

Trying to Remember!

I was sitting here trying to remember what it was that I really wanted to do when I grew up. I laugh at this because just like at 17 I really do not know what it is and really am I grown up yet. I fins that I am needing to have a conversation about this with God because for whatever reason I am having a hard time listening to Him. I am finding that I am having a hard time hearing Him at all lately and as much as it scares me I also know that He is still with me. I am feeling like I am such a mess right now and just do not know which direction to take. I want to go to school, but what for? I am scheduled to take the paraprofessional test and I do not think that is going to work out. I have been trying to scrapbook for a few days now and just cannot seem to be creative and the house is a mess. On the plus side I started therapy this week and I am very excited about getting some of my issues cleared up. I am going to clean the house tomorrow and try to refocus on God and put some order into this crazy life!

Someday, Maybe!

I try sometimes to put to much pressure on myself to be someone different. To fit in a little more. I was never popular in school, but my sister and brother were. It kind of felt like i was the one maintaining most of my friendships in high school and even out of school. I got married and I became a mom and things changed i began meeting new people I started seeing what true friendship was. I didn't worry so much about being someone else I was growing into me. I became a single mom and I took a step backwards. I still strong friendships, but I find myself asking (more than I would like to admit) do I really fit in here? I still find myself struggling to find my place in this world. Before though I would have been depressed and kind of closed myself off. Today I find myself opening up and fighting for my place. My boys are where I put most of my focus but I am realizing that they need to see that mommy is having fun too. I am focusing on opening up to other people and letting myself just be me and if people don't like me, well I guess that is there loss not mine. You would think that after high school all those self esteem issues would go away. They have gotten better that is fir sure, but they still linger every now and then. Sometimes I wish that things did not happen the way they did that i was still married then I look at who I am now and I am so thankful that I am divorced because I am happy. I am finally happy with me. Yes there are times when I struggle, but really who doesn't. God has shown me things about myself that I didn't think I had and continually surprises me with the strength and courage He has given me. I am working on someday, maybe, realizing truily that it is okay to be me.

An Amazing Sunday!!!

This is such an amazing day. We started this new series at church called "Everyone Has A Story" and let me tell you it was amazing. This woman told us her amazing journey and I don't have her permission to share so I will just tell you that it was amazing. I do not know how I would handle her situation, but this woman is a courageous soul and God has taken care of her and she is proof that God exists!!! It amazes me that not every ones story involves joy and pleasure. The more stories I hear there is a lot of pain and sorrow, but God is always there and we can always find Him even in our most painful moments. It is amazing that we still can have a really painful season and God is there front and center bringing us joy in a way we might be able to fully understand!!! God is forever amazing me!!!

(You maybe wondering about this layout. I made this layout for the Becky Fleck page maps blog contest. Becky is an amazing woman and I give her props for all of her sketchy goodness. I am trying to get some more pages done so we will see how that goes.)

I am still in my story of coming to God! I try to be with Him everyday but as a single mom I find myself not always keeping my priorities where they should be. I am finding it easier to deal with every day issues if I put God first and I can tell a differece when I don't. I find that i still struggle with the forgeting the past because God has. I still find myself thinking I am not good enough. I made mistakes in the past that I am not proud of and if I could am finding out I would not take back because they have made me who I am!! Even though I am a christian that does not make me perfect and I am still a sinner as much as I don't want to be that is the truth. My past is full of sin, but I have given it to the Lord and He has forgiven me and I have to forgive myself and forget about it. I am accountable but that doesn't mean I have to be controlled by my sin. I learned from it now I move forward and live with God in the present not the past or future. My advice to anyone struggling today is to sit down with God today and just listen. He may have words that you don't want to hear but what He says is good even if you don't like what is being said. He loves you and will tell you what you need to hear not what you want to hear. God Bless and share your story you never know who may need to hear it, but someone will!!

Life Can Throw You A Curve Ball!!

Life As I Know It!!

God is doing great things in my life and I believe it is only going to get better. I know that the challenges of the last year have made me a better person. I am a strong woman who has beaten depression and so many other things that I know I can get past this. God is doing good here I tell you what. I was baptised on Good Friday. I choose that day because I felt that Jesus gave his life for me so I will give my life for Him. That is a great feeling!!! I am a true testimont that God provides. It may not seem like I am going to have enough money, but there seems to always be plenty right when I need it.

I guess I should explain that I am a single mommy to 2 very hadsome boys who I could not be more proud of. There daddy and I divorced last year and it was not easy. God however as provided me with more patients than most would have (at least that is what my friends tell me) and a calmness that I didn't know existed. I am a much happier woman!! I have really clung to my faith, family, and friends during this time and I am starting to realize I may have lost something, but what I have gained is so much better.

Anyways, I saw that Becky Fleck has a new blog and she was hosting a contest so I think I will work on a page for that. As I said God is doing such great things in my life and scrapbooking is just one of them. I am just beginning to feel the mojo again which is great because I feared I might have lost it. I suppose I should mention that I am also a scrabooker as i am sure you may have already guessed. So stay tuned for what I hope will be some killer inspiration!!

Oh and that photo of me was taken by my 4 year old. You will meet my boys later I promise!!