That is the question I keep asking myself about so many things. Life in general has been alright. I am loving the boys as they start to really grow up. L is becoming quite the little scrapper and I don't mean the kind of scrapper his mommy is. I mean the hitting his brother kind of scrapper. I know he is a boy and that is what boys do but P and L are starting to really fight and I am a girl and girls do not like fights. So I want to ask why do boys fight but do I really want to know? Not so much I would just rather them not do it. Hey I am a mom alright!
I went to my 10 year high school reunion the other night and it was fun. I fought going all day. I didn't really want to see anyone. No offense to those I did see I enjoyed seeing you and I am glad I saw you. I just didn't know what to expect. I had pulled myself away for so long that I wasn't sure I would be welcomed back. I find that I am starting to really open up again. So I find myself asking do I really want to know why I closed myself off. I can answer a big NO!! If I did that I would see that I probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. If I hadn't done that I wouldn't have my boys (have you seen them. They are totally worth all this) and I would have gotten to know some of my very best friends.
I saw this very nice looking man the other day with his 2 little kids and I wanted to cry. Which of course I want to do alot of latily, this was different though. I saw something in him that I see in myself (yes I know I am female and he is male just go with it though) at times. He looked so in love with his kids but so tired. I knew the look from the very start I wear it alot. I realized then that I am not doing myself or the boys any good when I don't rest properly. It makes you more irritable with people in general and lets face it the kids are the one suffer. So I ask myself do I really want to know what life is like at 1 am every night? Oh heck no!! (Are you sensing a theme here!) For the record i do not stay up until 1 am every night most night I am in bed by 9 pm. I am an old lady that way but I have been staying up later these last few weeks and I can tell a difference in my attitude because of it.
So in reality I don't really want to know why things are the way they are. I am just happy learning from my experiences and growing in God. Some of who are reading this and saying Oh no she is a Jesus freak and yes I am. without Him I would not be where i am at today and you wouldn't be in my life so deal with it! God is the one with the answers and I am putting my trust in Him to heal these wounds and to take me where I need to be.
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