Thursday, September 10, 2009
And You Thought I Was Dumb!!
God is changing things in my life once again. I am finally seeing the path I should be on and I am slowly headed in that direction. That is not what I am here to talk about though. Since Pman as started school and I have had to get up at 6:30 to get him ready I have realized that our lives our on the fast track to growing up even if I am not ready. I realized this most the other day when Pman was very upset when he had another day off from school he didn't want another day off. At that moment I realized I wasn't as dumb as I thought I have taught my boys so much more than I thought. We may not have money but we have so much more and the fact that my son is so excited to learn is amazing! I am starting to see I may not have all the anwsers but Pman and Little D are s0 eager to learn and expand their minds that even if I didn't make all the right choices they will learn from me and make the changes that will make their futures brighter. God has a plan for the 3 of us and we are well on our way. R is a part of that plan I believe and every day I wake up knowing how much he loves us and how lucky we stepped out of the fear and took a chance. I am amazed at the man he is and never thought I would find a man like him. I am certainly not dumb and I am counting my blessings everyday!!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
A Second Chance!!
I am not really sure how to begin this post. I have had this heart for a while but honestly I have been afraid to bring it to the surface. You see I thought that if I talked about it I would look silly. For all that know me yes I am a goofball, but I am being grown up here or at least making an attempt. In part this is sort of an apology to people I believe deserve it and also a thank you to those who have helped me get to my second chance. So please even if your not sure what the heck I am talking about read on you are probably included.
As we grow up we sometimes make mistakes heck even as grown ups we make mistakes and it sometimes hurts the people we love most. In school I had 2 friends, well more than 2 but whatever, we will call them V and C we were pretty much inseparable. I loved these girls and I still do. They were always there no matter what. We laughed, we cried, we got mad at stupid people we were best friends. After high school we will just say these girls could blackmail me with what they know lol but I could do the same. The point is we were true friends, but I made a mistake I walked away. I met my ex husband and I just let them go along with lots of others but it always haunted me that I did that. I thought about them a lot and missed them even more but I just walked away. A year ago I went to my class reunion and reconnected with V and C and feel like I had missed so much in their lives. I got a second chance with my girls! I am so sorry I took my chicas for granted and I am sorry that I had A as a bridesmaid instead of you girls. I am so glad that I went that day because I didn't want to go but the 2 of you made it worth it.
Now Leah this is meant for you along with several other women but as I know you read this blog I am going to address you in particular. When my ex left I felt lost. As much as it was a weight lifted off my shoulders I was devastated. I can't tell you why but some of the conversations we had have been some of the most important conversations I have had, to you they may have not been anything but to me they meant the world. The day you told me that I was going to be able to attend the women's retreat my covered plus the decision to give me the single room you will never know how much that meant to me. That weekend was the first time I knew I was going to be okay it was the first time I knew God wasn't taking something away He was giving me what I needed. All those women I wish I could address them all but I can't but God knows. And Connections and the wonderful gift that you guys put together for the boys and I and Stef and Leslie bringing it over you guys really are a gift to me. Thank you for being an inspiration to me!!
M there are no words!! You have been there for me through some really rough days. You and D made me feel like I was something before I felt like nothing. You made me answer some tough questions. You always made sure the boys and I were okay. Our talks by the fire are really what got me through some of the worst nights. As busy as life got or brain surgery you were still there you brought me back to God. I love you guys!!
Now V what can I say besides you are the coolest chick ever!! If it weren't for you I would not have R in my life. I am so in love with that guy!! You V have helped me to see where I was meant to be and even if it took months who my second chance was meant to be. you have cheered me up and sang with me when maybe you didn't want to. I am so glad that we have a second chance at being friends!
Now R probably won't read this but I want you to know that I have an amazing man in my life. He not only adores me, he adores my boys just as much. He is there for the 3 of us in ways that still blow me away. He makes me smile and laugh when sometimes I just want to cry which when I do cry he holds me and wants to beat up whoever made me cry. He's a guy so I let that part go. the best part is he just wants me to be me. I love this man with all my heart and I believe with all my heart he is my second chance!!
P.S. I know I didn't thank everyone but know that I am thankful to everyone who has helped me the last 2 years. I know that I didn't thank my family but I am beyond speechless to them and I will be thanking them for years to come.
As we grow up we sometimes make mistakes heck even as grown ups we make mistakes and it sometimes hurts the people we love most. In school I had 2 friends, well more than 2 but whatever, we will call them V and C we were pretty much inseparable. I loved these girls and I still do. They were always there no matter what. We laughed, we cried, we got mad at stupid people we were best friends. After high school we will just say these girls could blackmail me with what they know lol but I could do the same. The point is we were true friends, but I made a mistake I walked away. I met my ex husband and I just let them go along with lots of others but it always haunted me that I did that. I thought about them a lot and missed them even more but I just walked away. A year ago I went to my class reunion and reconnected with V and C and feel like I had missed so much in their lives. I got a second chance with my girls! I am so sorry I took my chicas for granted and I am sorry that I had A as a bridesmaid instead of you girls. I am so glad that I went that day because I didn't want to go but the 2 of you made it worth it.
Now Leah this is meant for you along with several other women but as I know you read this blog I am going to address you in particular. When my ex left I felt lost. As much as it was a weight lifted off my shoulders I was devastated. I can't tell you why but some of the conversations we had have been some of the most important conversations I have had, to you they may have not been anything but to me they meant the world. The day you told me that I was going to be able to attend the women's retreat my covered plus the decision to give me the single room you will never know how much that meant to me. That weekend was the first time I knew I was going to be okay it was the first time I knew God wasn't taking something away He was giving me what I needed. All those women I wish I could address them all but I can't but God knows. And Connections and the wonderful gift that you guys put together for the boys and I and Stef and Leslie bringing it over you guys really are a gift to me. Thank you for being an inspiration to me!!
M there are no words!! You have been there for me through some really rough days. You and D made me feel like I was something before I felt like nothing. You made me answer some tough questions. You always made sure the boys and I were okay. Our talks by the fire are really what got me through some of the worst nights. As busy as life got or brain surgery you were still there you brought me back to God. I love you guys!!
Now V what can I say besides you are the coolest chick ever!! If it weren't for you I would not have R in my life. I am so in love with that guy!! You V have helped me to see where I was meant to be and even if it took months who my second chance was meant to be. you have cheered me up and sang with me when maybe you didn't want to. I am so glad that we have a second chance at being friends!
Now R probably won't read this but I want you to know that I have an amazing man in my life. He not only adores me, he adores my boys just as much. He is there for the 3 of us in ways that still blow me away. He makes me smile and laugh when sometimes I just want to cry which when I do cry he holds me and wants to beat up whoever made me cry. He's a guy so I let that part go. the best part is he just wants me to be me. I love this man with all my heart and I believe with all my heart he is my second chance!!
P.S. I know I didn't thank everyone but know that I am thankful to everyone who has helped me the last 2 years. I know that I didn't thank my family but I am beyond speechless to them and I will be thanking them for years to come.
Friday, May 1, 2009
So I Live On
Life has sort of gotten crazy for me so I have been MIA in the blogging world. I don't want any of you to think I have forgotten about you because I haven't. I am always reading to keep up with you and always praying for you in whatever journey you may be on. And now so that Leah will not hunt me down here is what my life has been like.
The boys have been growing up very fast. Pman will be in kindergarten and this mama is having a very hard time with it. I dropped him off at the play school for the first time last week and cried because he didn't even say good bye just went right into the classroom. Now some of you might be thinking buck up Sarah its just the beginning. I know this is true but I did not go through all that labor just so he could walk into the classroom without so much as a good bye mama. So I solved the problem this week by walking him to his classroom and asking him if he thought he could remember to say good bye to me this time. He obliged but when I picked him up I told him I missed him and he told me that he didn't miss me. This is going to be a very big year of letting my first born, my pman, Mr. P, my wonderful son grow up.
L is a whole other story. It is easy to forget he is 2 1/2 sometimes. He still needs me of course but he mimics his brother so much it is scary. He is a little upset he will not be going with his big brother on his adventure to kindergarten but knows he will get there eventually. He is starting those terrible 2s like no other and I am reminded on a daily basis that I must practice my patients. Case in point the other day he was getting scolded for something in my mean mom voice as the boys call it, and he told me to not talk to him that way. I took a deep breath as my words came to bit me in the rear as they are what I tell the boys when there attitude is out of line. He is at the age of mimicking so if you see my monkey around please fill him with nice words.
As for me my life has been ever changing. I now have the most wonderful boyfriend I could ever ask for and I truly am blessed. This journey has come full circle and I am starting over. It is a new beginning
The boys have been growing up very fast. Pman will be in kindergarten and this mama is having a very hard time with it. I dropped him off at the play school for the first time last week and cried because he didn't even say good bye just went right into the classroom. Now some of you might be thinking buck up Sarah its just the beginning. I know this is true but I did not go through all that labor just so he could walk into the classroom without so much as a good bye mama. So I solved the problem this week by walking him to his classroom and asking him if he thought he could remember to say good bye to me this time. He obliged but when I picked him up I told him I missed him and he told me that he didn't miss me. This is going to be a very big year of letting my first born, my pman, Mr. P, my wonderful son grow up.
L is a whole other story. It is easy to forget he is 2 1/2 sometimes. He still needs me of course but he mimics his brother so much it is scary. He is a little upset he will not be going with his big brother on his adventure to kindergarten but knows he will get there eventually. He is starting those terrible 2s like no other and I am reminded on a daily basis that I must practice my patients. Case in point the other day he was getting scolded for something in my mean mom voice as the boys call it, and he told me to not talk to him that way. I took a deep breath as my words came to bit me in the rear as they are what I tell the boys when there attitude is out of line. He is at the age of mimicking so if you see my monkey around please fill him with nice words.
As for me my life has been ever changing. I now have the most wonderful boyfriend I could ever ask for and I truly am blessed. This journey has come full circle and I am starting over. It is a new beginning
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